“Instead of win…

“Instead of wings. I want to be the one who has many hands. So i can hold many people.” -Tablo-

Me too. I want to have a bigger heart. So with that i can hug many mankind. 
It was a dream of me. Because i really know, the feeling when you’re lefted alone, the sad feeling. For honestly, for a past year, i am thinking about being die.  The frustation feel really – really depressed on me.

But once day, when i’m walking to downtown. I’m seeing a man, maybe his age at 40 years old. I forgot his name, but at that time he was hold a box in the edge of road. When i see clearly in to the box that he was hold, there was poster which is said: Donation for My Son (i forgot the name, poor this memory.) He got Leukimia. First time i’m ignored him, i think that was such a trick. But that old man face expression, until now i can’t forgot about it. He just standing alone in a crowded edge of the road. He does not stand up to beg for others even though he holds a box for donations. He just stood on the side of the road with tired eyes! I know he’s not poor. From his appearance he was not a beggar! But thoose eye, you can’t say that was a trick to manipulate others. As once i go to the near shop, what i see before go to the shop is kinda haunted me. My intuition say that: i need go there, i must to go there again. In rush  i’m turn over and go to the old man again.

My intuition was right. Once i met with The Old Man, i grab some bucks to join donation. ’cause of that we had a little chit chat.

“Sorry,Sir. May i ask you? From what time your son got Leukimia?”
“My son age is 4 this year. But the doctor diagnosed him in the summer last year.”
“Where is he now? Are he was hospitalized ?”
“No, we just taking his in our home. We don’t have much money left to put him on hospital. I had to sell my car, and other that worth to sell. But with his condition. We can’t longer take him on hospital. Only regularly when he need a Chemotheraphy.”
“Oh,my Lord. I hope he will get better soon.”

After that he gave me some poster about what are he doing. On that poster, he feel very ashamed to make donations on road like this. But as father, he can’t stand to see his own child die.

 At that time i read the poster on my way to go home. I cried. Cried a lot.

God shows me, from that Old Man a something to learn. I’m ashame to my self. My problem was nothing if i compare it to The Old Man burden. The reality that he need to face everyday was so….heartbreaking.

From that experience, i won’t thinking so foolishly to want do a suicide again. I have reason why i born. Okay, it was unclear until now. But life isn’t about a destination right? Life is a journey. I have a time as much as i needed to figure it out. 

In my progress, i want to hold many people hands. I want to have a bigger heart to accept them. To make people now that they are worthwile. World is a sad place? WE CAN TURNING TABLE AND MAKE IT A HAPPY PLACE TO LIVE IT! TO MANY MANKIND!

A hapinness wouldn’t reduce if we share it, it actually increases. Make your self happy, love your self, you’re worthwile. Start accepting your self and after that you can understand the world. 


p.s sorry for the long post. Teehee~ 

Read more "“Instead of win…"

Misty Cold

The wind stole the warm. My feet was buried under the ground. Even the earth was same cold as the wind. No more warm embrace. My hand was numb. Like tree branch in the winter. Stiff. All the green was gone, leaving me the endless white. I run out of breath. To standing still in […]

Read more "Misty Cold"

Elegi Dari Sepotong Sunyi

Jiwa terpanggil akan panggilan jiwa lain yang searah. Maka hati tidak pernah memilih. Namun dipilih. Andai engkau tahu kelam dibalik bayangmu itu. Mungkin engkau akan berhenti mencipta garis luka diantara kita. Tiada yang lebih menyedihkan selain kesedihan yang tidak bisa ditangisi. Kesedihan yang hanya bisa diratapi. Kesedihan yang seperti hantu. Membayangi dan menggantung di sudut […]

Read more "Elegi Dari Sepotong Sunyi"


Amarah. Seperti buih ombak di lautan. Menenggelamkan apapun di hadapannya. Ombak. Menukik tinggi,lalu memecah diri di tepian pantai.  Melumat pasir. Memecah keheningan. Lalu kembali ke lautan. Emosi manusia seperti lautan. Terlihat tenang, namun siapa pun tak bisa menebak kedalamannya. *angkara adalah kata sansakerta untuk kata amarah.

Read more "Angkara"